Am I a coward if I think he is cheating on me but I don't ask?

I know it is wrong for me to feel jealous of my seventeen year old daughter for having a social life but I do. Don't misunderstand I want my daughter to be happy and feel popular but I am alone and have given up so much to be a good single mother.

I am always reading about depression and how hard it is to be a new Mom but that was never an issue for me. Maybe you could blame it on my naivete but I never thought being a new Mom was hard, I guess really I never even thought about it because I was just too busy! For me the hardest stage so far is now. I am the Mom of a fourteen year old daughter who looks like she is seventeen.

I thought I left this behind in highschool, this feeling of not being enough, but it's doggedly followed me my whole life and here I am, hitting 45, supposedly middle-aged, if I'm lucky to live that long, and I still don't feel like I'm enough. Enough for what, I do not know. I have a great family - husband and kids. I have my health.

My baby is 8 months old and I really thought I'd like it all more than I do. What am I supposed to do now? I don't like being at home alone with my baby all day. I feel scared and helpless when she cries. I'm feeling overwhelmed and am just not enjoying her the way I thought I would. And worst of all, no one knows how I feel. They all think I'm so lucky to be home with her.

It's been so many years standing with the same people day after day, smiling politely and pretending that everything was okay, when in fact, all along, it wasn't. Finally, here is a place to share what was hidden beneath the perfect facade.